(Hover over each photo, if you’re having trouble figuring them out. We won’t make fun of you…much.)

It’s time for another Headline Smash, where we take two actual headlines from the day’s news and, with the help of photoshop, show you what the front page would look like if they were smashed into one.

Today we present another new regular feature…. Headline Smash! We start with two news stories ripped from the day’s headlines, like Law and Order without the annoying CHUNG CHUNG sound effect, mash them together, and show you the resulting newspaper front page. Confused? You won’t be in a second….

My wife is so insanely beautiful that she actually lends credibility to the old sitcom trope that a woman like Leah Remini or Courtney Thorne-Smith would settle for some troll with the talent level of a second-best Belushi brother. And, oh, the fun doesn’t stop there. She was raised Mormon. You know, the guys who believe Indians killed another “tribe of Israel” living in North America, and as punishment, God “darkened our skin and degraded our existence” (Wow, he’s slipping. A little extra melanin? . That’s what you’re down to?).

One of the first pieces of “art” I was paid for was a few ANSIs for a friend of a friend, named Seth Able Robinson, 18-year-old who lived in the next hick town over and was coding a game. My friend Shady Bones was supposed to do them, but he got pneumonia or some such gack and couldn’t complete all of them. I did them as a favor to Shady, but then talked Seth out of a Pentium 75 for it. Yep, that’s right, bitches, a P75! (For reference, under the same numbering system, my computer now would be a P3500.) I laughed all the way home at my serious negotiation skills.

Those of you who are old enough to remember the old BBS systems might have pricked up at that name. He didn’t use his last name for the game, just Seth Able. The game was the legendary L.O.R.D., Legend Of The Red Dragon. Seth made a million dollars in about a year and ended up retiring to Hiroshima (itself, unlikely and improbable. Who the hell does that?).

I’ve tried, seen success on the horizon, and then eventually failed in many different “cool” occupations… musician, mixer, stand-up comic, mixed-up comedy musician, astronaut (I might be full of shit on that last one). So I really tend not to count my chickens before they hatch.

That said, this site seems to be striking a chord. There’s a company called Alexa that ranks the traffic of websites, kinda like a Nielsen rating for the web. Since they measure in 3-month chunks so as to better reflect an average, we didn’t expect to be ranked until we’d actually been open….wait for it… for three months. Well, we received our first ranking about a week and a half ago… #11 million something.

So, that was fun, looking at it and seeing our ranking from the days when I hadn’t even opened the beta yet (which, I’ll remind you, we’re still in). As a matter of fact, it seemed a little high. Google tells me there’s 300 million dotcoms with active content, which starts us off in the upper 3% or so. As I told the team, I guess there’s a LOT of shitty blogs and deserted company websites that no one EVER goes to. So we laughed, had some complimentary “WE’RE NUMBER 11 MILLIONTH!” posts between members of the team.

I woke up the next day, and we’d jumped 5 million places. The rate has slowed, but it continues every day, and it’s usually a pretty substantial jump. Today, we broke the 2 million mark. 1,995,273.

So… is this place poised to become the preeminent hangout for Photoshop humor and Photoshop tutorials?

Unlikely. Improbable. And I’m comfortable as hell with that.

Today we introduce a brand new feature, “3way On…”, where we wrestle a topic from the news to the ground and hit it with blunt objects until even WE can understand what’s going on.

Education… just one more free service we provide.

ALL of possibility exists between these two extremes.
WARNING: Do NOT attempt to combine Reese’s & Clamato. That’s what killed the dinosaurs.

This showcase highlights the latter in the world of television. We asked for submissions showing the absolute worst mashups that TV might have to offer. Below are 23 of our favorites.

You’ve been my friend and co-worker for many years. As you are no doubt aware, I am in the process of creating, with the help of some of my internet cronies (several of whom I suspect are really just alternate personalities I can no longer suppress… shhh, they’re listening), what is becoming one damn fine humor & Photoshop tutorial site.  As I know you’re also aware, my thought processes don’t work like most people. This disorder causes me to post strange things sometimes, like some kind of Internetourette’s Syndrome… well, for example, let’s just take this post I made at random one day last week:

As you may have gathered, if you’ve wandered around this website at all, this isn’t exactly your father’s Oldsmobile. It is our full intention to do things a little differently from any other humor or chop site.

So, I have an idea for a “class prank”. Like most of the rest of what we’ve built here so far, I’m gonna need some help.

One of the (if not THE) best comedy troupes of all time is Monty Python’s Flying Circus (If you didn’t know that, please hit ALT-F4, power your computer down and get the hell off the internet. You have some catching up to do). What a lot of people DON’T know is that it wasn’t always Monty Python’s Flying Circus. During the brainstorming sessions when they first got together, they came up with quite a few different names that the Flying Circus could belong to.

One of the people “nominated” to own the Flying Circus was Gwen Dibley. “Who’s that”, you say? Well, I say “Quit talking to your monitor, weirdo.” And then I explain: Just some random woman whose name Michael Palin read in a newspaper. His idea was “wouldn’t it be funny for someone to just wake up one day and find out they had their own TV show?”

Well, this is along those lines… “wouldn’t it be funny for someone to wake up one morning and find out there’s a whole Photoshop article just about them?”… and I think I have the perfect “victim” and justification.

Those of you who’ve been hanging around probably know that I had a hard drive crash and lost terabytes of data. I really need some of that data back. The drive is too far gone for even my own superpowers, so I took it to my friend English. This guy is the Captain America of IT guys. By hooking it up to a Linux system, he’s been able to see most of the data, and will likely be able to get it all back for me (just waiting for a new drive from Amazon so he has someplace to put it) [EDIT: Every last bit. Not just the crap I needed for the site, all my TV, movies, music videos...everything. Stud.]. So, instead of thanking him like a normal person (pfffffft… right), I’d like to make him the star of a chop article.

See? Now why would I say that? Why would I post a few pictures of you and let them loose? IT MAKES NO SENSE.

Okay, so I sometimes have poor impulse control. And I’m paying the price for it (I make a couple of cameos in here as well, because, well, maluba‘s a total jerk. Complete kneebiter.). But these people like nothing better than a good bandwagon to jump on. So congratulations, English. You’re our first ever Gwen Dibley Award recipient.

Your 15 minutes of fame. Bet you didn’t think you’d waste it like this, eh?

We had a related tutorial on light sources, cast shadows and drop shadows, and then I asked the crew to rip off pay homage to this great artist by bringing his idea into the Photoshop age, in our own version of The Shadow Knows.

Or can you?

Well, if anyone has the balls to mess with a classic, it’d be an equally famous director. Some of those guys have egos that have their own gravitational pull.

We asked the crew to show us what it might be like to see Famous Directors Take On The Muppets.

We asked the crew to show us how they’d like to see Insurance Company Mascots Meet Their Doom. My advice? Don’t piss off a photoshopper, these people are hardcore.